So, I am so sorry I haven't written in the past couple days. I know some of you (*cough* my father) use this as a way to check up on me, my health, safety, and happiness abroad, so I'm sorry I took away your security blanket for a little while there, but I'm back now :)
I've been sick for the past few days, and didn't really feel much like writing or going out and doing anything (so really I didn't have much to write about). Things are better now though - I'm eating good food, sleeping well, and hanging out with friends. Not to mention, finally doing homework (not as fun as I thought it would be).
But what is really amazing about today, is that it has now been one year since Grandpa Nick died. Unbelievable. How could it possibly have been that long ago? I truly can't believe it. I love you Grandpa :) It's also amazing to me how recent that entire period in my life seems. Starting college and loving classes and being excited about being at SLU all seems so recent, but a little far away at the same time. It's hard to explain, but I guess it just feels like it's completely wrong that it's been a whole year since I've gone to Grandpa Nick's to see him, or since I saw him shuffling around the house with his stuffed-animal-clad walker to check up on everyone, or since I heard his voice, or gave him a hug. How can that be?
You know, when I was at Nadine's in the countryside, I was talking about Grandpa Nick and I was telling her about how he was a soldier during WWII (a very popular subject with families in the Normandy area, for obvious reasons). She asked if he lived through it, and I said yes, but that he had actually died just this year. I knew it had to be months since he passed away, but still in my head it was "just earlier this year." Also, being here has made me lose track of time . . . a lot. I barely even know what month it is, especially with school starting so late here and things being so hectic. So when I realized that today was September 23rd, I was completely floored. I had no idea that this day was coming up, and it took me a little while to actually believe it. I still comprehend it intellectually, but emotionally I think that time got messed up somewhere.
Now, if I were taking a more Buddhist approach, I might say that today is just like any other day, in the same way that birthdays and holidays are no more special than any other days of the year. No matter what I might label it, today is just another day, and will only be defined by how I live it. But at the same time, why do I always encourage myself to have this attitude about life? Human beings are sentimental creatures. Maybe we need to set aside one day of the year in which we are sure to remember someone we love, honor someone's life, or remember the effect that someone had on us. Of course, I think about Grandpa Nick all the time; it's not as if today is the only day I will ever remember him. But, today was not just another day for me. Today was the day that I remembered having to say goodbye to my grandfather, the first loved one I ever lost. It has special meaning to me, and I'm not ashamed of that.
Today, I am in a beautiful city in France, eating French food, meeting French people, and speaking the beautiful French language. I am so far away from where I was one year ago in so many ways, both physically and internally, but the most important thing in my life has remained strong: love. My family and friends are the most incredible people in the world, and I am so lucky to have them. I can't imagine having better parents. I don't know anyone who loves and protects their children more than my parents love and protect Rocco and me, and I am grateful for them every single day. Rocco and I are also incredibly blessed (in the non-religious sense, of course) to have so many family members who love and support us just as if they were our own parents. We have the most incredible grandparents in the world (if I could even tell you all of the important life events that my grandparents have been there for . . .), and thinking about all they have done for me brings tears to my eyes every time. The same goes for the amazing aunts and uncles. It is too difficult to describe what they all mean to me (I'll have to send out individual letters trying to tackle that one), but I just want to say that I am so appreciative of all of the support that they show me every day. I can't say what it means to me. Of course, there is also the undying encouragement and love that Alec shows me every day. I am always hesitant to write gushing words of love about my boyfriend, because I don't want to be "that girl," but in this case, it would just be wrong to mention my family without mentioning Alec. He is always there for me, even when we're in different continents, and being able to rely on him so strongly, even when we can't be together means the world to me. I am so lucky to have such a strong, beautiful, loving family, and even though I feel a little bit "Across The Universe" today, knowing that they are all behind me makes me feel like the most loved person on the planet.
So right now, it's almost 2am, which I guess half-explains the sudden burst of sentimentality. I promise you'll never have to read something so un-sarcastic on my blog ever again. Mostly. But I'm going to go to bed now because I have school tomorrow, and I have to be there in the morning to unlock the doors (but I'm getting paid 10 Euro per week to do it. Booyakasha).
Bonne nuit! :)
Love, Josie
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