Rouen:Take 2. Leggo.

I left France on December 17, 2010, and tomorrow, December 20, 2011, I'm going back.

I thought a lot had changed during the 4 months I was in France. And it did. But wow - has a lot changed in the year since I left! My relationship, my friends, my attitude, (my hair), everything is different, but I really do feel that it's all different in a good way. I'm happy, I love school, I love my friends, and I love my freedom. It took me a long time to get here, but now that I've made it, I'm so grateful for every experience (joyful and painful) that led me to this place.

Tomorrow, I'm getting on a plane that will take me back to Paris. And there, I'll take a train that will take me home to Rouen. A part of me can't believe that I'm actually leaving my family to travel alone to Europe for the holidays, but the rest of me can't imagine letting another season pass without seeing Rouen. And honestly, who would I be if I didn't buy a plane ticket and take off to France by myself for 3 weeks? Traveling alone, meeting people, writing poetry, listening to music, embracing culture shock, feeling alone, feeling like part of a new family, being frustrated with the language, feeling pure joy at finally being able to effortlessly speak it, going from the fear of the unknown to the love for what you've come to know -- it's my greatest joy. The whole process of becoming part of something new through giving yourself completely to an experience - it's my greatest passion. I wouldn't be myself if I didn't chase after it. It's unfortunate that I'll be missing Christmas with my family, but imagine the amazing, scary, fun, awkward, powerful, sad, beautiful experiences I'll have during my 3 weeks in France. And I am content knowing that I will really be living these next few weeks.

Plus, this semester has been a total whirlwind, and I could use a little European magic to clear my head and remind me of the huge, amazing world that's out there. I love SLU, but the SLU bubble can be a little suffocating, and I'm definitely guilty of letting it leave me a little breathless a couple times.

So anyway, welcome back into my world. Read at your own risk, 'cause it's a crazy one, and I don't like to filter.

xoxo, Joey

It's Christmastime!

m

Merry Christmas from our traditional family to yours!

The Buddhas are all decked out in Santa hats and reindeer antlers, there's a fire going, and it's been snowing like crazy for the past hour. Then later this afternoon, we're going to Sherwood for Indian food. I love Christmas.

What's awesome about Christmas is that it's not even about religion. Obviously it is for some people, but I love how it's also been turned into something that emphasizes peace, love, and family. Christmas is a day for spending time with people we love, showing kindness to others, playing in the snow, and eating too much (Indian?) food. More important than any religious or material significance that we tend to put upon this day is the Christmas spirit. Every year I see people stressing out about the perfect decorations, the perfect presents, the perfect dinner, all for this one day. We spend so much time trying to make Christmas perfect that we miss out on the simple magic of the holiday. We have this one day to be with people we love and to not have to focus on anything else. Relish it. Keep it simple. Listen, love, and practice forgiveness (maybe starting with yourself).

Christmas wish list 2010:
1. Snow. Lots of snow.
2. Health and happiness to everyone I know and love.
3. Peace - internal and external.
4. Plane ticket to France and/or Sénégal.
5. A beautiful day with the family that I have here with me.
6. Some more snow.

Listen to this today: Winter Song by Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson.

Merry Christmas to everyone, no matter what the day means to you :)

Love, Josie

The Return to Maryland.

m

So I'm sitting at my dining room table, fire going, mom in the kitchen, Rocco MIA with some friends, and downing glasses of water to prepare for my first class back at Bikram Yoga SP, and it's like no time has passed. It's like nothing has changed since I left in August to go to France. But so much has changed. So much time has gone by. Not only have my bangs grown out and my wardrobe been hit with an H&M invasion, but the experiences that I have had abroad have changed who I am as a person. How could they not?

So now it's almost Christmas and my heart is all over the world. I want to be everywhere I've ever been, everywhere I haven't been yet, and exactly where I am right now. I have the travel bug more than I've ever had it before, but I am also so happy to be home with my family again. It's just hard because I feel like I have so many different kinds of family now, in all corners of the world. I miss my host family in Rouen, I miss traveling around with my friends in Santorini, I miss Centre Baobab in Dakar, I miss my Senegalese friends in Mont Saint Aignan, I miss Simone in Germany, I even miss sleeping on trains and in airports while traveling all over the place. It's just a very different lifestyle, living in France as opposed to living back at home. And it's going to be even more different rejoining all the alcoholics up at St. Lawrence University in January.

But for now, I really am happy to be back with the family for the holidays. Even if Christmas means nothing more to me than any other day of the year, it's special because I'll be with my family who I love more than anything. Are we going to Christmas mass? Absolutely not. Are we having a giant Indian curry dish for Christmas dinner? Yes. Is is going to be awesome? Absolutely.

It's already time for me to get ready for yoga. My first class back in 4 months (besides one class in Brussels and one class in Paris), and it should be an adventure.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do with this blog yet. I mean I'm no longer a vegan, I'm no longer traveling the world, I'm no longer doing anything out of the ordinary, so I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna keep updating this. So peace and love and talk to you next time, whenever that may be!

Love, Josie

"mais l'important, c'est pas la chute. c'est l'atterrissage."

m

I"m meeting my host mother downstairs for a 5am breakfast in a half hour. Then I'm leaving.

I got home around 3am this morning from a tearful goodbye up at Mont Saint Aignan. I'm going to be so tired when I finally get home tomorrow (today?) I'm so excited to sleep in my own bed again, to see my family again, to relax around my house again. But at the same time there is so much here that I have gotten to know and love, and words can't begin to express what I'm feeling when I think about leaving.

I've learned so much on this trip (most of which I will reflect upon later when I have more time), and all I can say is that I am so beyond happy that I did it. Any heartache I'm feeling now is a result of the fact that I poured my heart into my experience, and I got so much out of it in return.

Goodbye is far too sad, and far too final so for now I"m saying "ba beneen, à bientôt, and see you soon" to France and all of the amazing people I have known here.

America: I'll see you tomorrow.

Mida yidma!

-Josie

J-2.

N'ayez pas peur du passé car il est enfui à jamais,
Ne craignez pas l'avenir car il n'existe pas encore,
Vivez la vie au présent car elle mérite d'être vecue.

How to say goodbye.

I have my first final exam in 3 hours. I haven't studied yet. This is bad.

It's hard to stay focused on school - or to start focusing on school - when you are, at the same time, stressing out about packing, seeing friends, and saying goodbye. That's the only thing that really sucks about this program: the teachers give you absolutely no work until the final exams and projects, and by that point your worth ethic is past the point of no return, and your mind is full of other thoughts. What is there that I have to do in Rouen that I haven't done yet? Who do I need to make sure I see before I leave? How am I going to pack all of my things in my suitcases? Where can I buy another suitcase? With what money? Am I really going home in 4 days? And so the little things, like final exams, get lost amongst the multitude of thoughts about what to do before leaving France. Leaving France - wow, I can't believe it.

I said bye to Luc this morning, who left to go back to school in Paris for the week. It's just so strange to think that I won't see him again. I don't think it's hit me yet. I feel like it will, everything all at once, when I'm finally on the airplane. In 4 days. Wow.

I really am excited to go home. How could I not be? It's not like I would want to stay here without my family and my friends forever. But it just seems like the end snuck up on me. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were making ourselves feel better by saying, "We only have one week of classes, then Senegal, then 2 weeks of classes, and then break. And then it's almost December, which means we're almost there!" How could all of that have flown by so quickly? Now it's Monday, December 13, and I can't even begin to imagine how quickly these nexy few days are going to speed by.

List of things that I need to accomplish. Like now:
1. Study.
2. PACK MY SHIT.
3. Make pumpkin bread.
4. Wrap presents for Luc and Marie Christine.
5. Buy wrapping paper.
6. #4 and #5 are out of order.
7. Write notes for people.
8. Go to the Christmas market for last minute shopping and Rouen-exploring.
9. Buy another suitcase if necessary.
10. Clean my room (this should probs be moved to the top of the list)
11. Take pictures!
12. Continue the memory-making :)

People to write notes for:
1. Marie Christine
2. Luc
3. Bineta
4. Khady
5. Khadim
6. Cheikh
7. Djibril
8. Henri
9. Zoumana

I'll think of the rest later. I really should go study, especially considering I have to leave my house in less than 2 hours to be to the exam on time. Ahhhh.

Ak jamm. Ba bennen.

Josie

Last class already?!

m

I just got home from my last class at the Fac. Ever. I really just can't believe that the semester is already over. It's been such a whirlwind.

So the only class I had today was Literature with Mlle Dang (who is amazing), and we just listened to three exposés: Serge Gainsbourg, an absurd play, and Une Partie de Campagne. We also turned in our portfolios (which I somehow managed to finish finally). I just can't believe now it's just one weekend and then finals week. And then America. I'm really going to miss my daily mini Wolof lessons.

I feel like I'm just now really getting into life here in Rouen, into speaking French, into getting to know the people and make friends here. It's amazing how people can adapt like that to new environments, and be forever changed by it. Being here in the living room in my host family's house in Rouen, I feel like I've lived here all my life. Being here right now is just so normal, so comfortable, just exactly where I'm supposed to be when I come home from school at the Fac and want to relax. It's so ouf to think that in just one short week, all of this will go from being my life quotiedienne to nothing more than a very fond memory.

For now, I think I'm gonna go take a nap, maybe eat some lunch, and maybe (but probably not) start studying. I'm exhausted and almost fell asleep in class so many times today.

No definitive plans yet for tonight, but the day is still young. It's only 1. And it's our last weekend in Rouen, so I'm sure people will start rallying to do something later in the afternoon. Maybe I'll go walk around and check out the Christmas markets some more. Ok - maybe after the nap.

Love, Josie